My favourite drink is, of course, a “Bareback Satan”. Does anybody know how to craft this fine nectar that sprang straight from the teat of Dionysus himself?
No… well, its just as well I'm here, then:
Take a glass, of any size
Half fill it with crushed ice
Add a dash of classic bourbon
Then a clump of hair most auburn
Throw in the tail of a baby fox
And the stinkiest pair of your Uncle’s socks
Key is the left earlobe of Brigitte Bardot
(Though caution, m’dear, as supplies are low)
A fake moustache, in the style of Mark Twain
Then leave for two years in the pouring rain
A handful of kale
A hipster’s ponytail
The skin of a cheetah
Chapter three of Lolita
Anton Chekhov dressed as a satyr
But not his gun, as you’ll need it later
A popular character from Dr Suess
(And being fictional is no excuse)
An african elephant with bronchitis
An Irish goat with hepatitis
Attempt to steal William Shatner’s wig
(And at this point take a sneaky swig)
The Joshua Tree will nicely do
Oh, screw it, just throw in all of U2
A tiny cherry will make it ripple
As would Bernard Cribbins favourite nipple
A boa constrictor of impressive length
And the heart of your enemy to give you strength
A centaur’s hoof will make quite the hunt
As would hair from a lady’s front
Shoot a man and collect the discharge
And hopefully, now you should be at large
The signed confession you gave to the police
Plus, Liza Minelli’s elbow grease
A former minister, now thoroughly hated
(Preferably one who auto-asphyxiated)
Befriend a composer, to get a score
Then throw in one confusing metaphor
By now the drink won’t look attractive
So, toss in something radioactive
For a final heresy, stir with a Nicolaitan
And that’s how you make a “Bareback Satan”.
By now, your tastebuds will be far wetter,
So order this drink: You’ll never get better.
